Lost & Found.
Holy Shit! It’s all come to me today! And straight away, I need to apologise for swearing in my first ever blog post…
Today I have realized where I need to be and how I need to get there.
Now that may not seem major to all you smarty-pants who have it all sooo together, but I have been looking for this moment for a while… And now, sitting at my desk, during Ramadan, in Saudi Arabia – it has come to me!
You won’t know who I am, you probably won’t even read this post to the end of the page, but I am not toooo bothered, as long as this can relate to even just one of you out there.
So I’ve been lost for a while now and in lost I don’t mean wandering the streets of an unfamiliar town (that would just be “travelling”) – but lost in my direction. I am sure for some time, for some reason, each one of you have also been lost. And it was this “phase” in your life that helped you to find yourself (or will help).
My becoming lost happened when I met a guy in Dubai, who 6 months later, I relocated for. For “love”. Actually, I will take those "" off as it was love. I was happy, I was head over heels and I was excited. And by now I am sure you all know that we can fall in love and be loved more than once in our massive massive lives. So this was probably No. 4 love of my life.
Anyways! Fast forward two years after my relocation to Dubai and my beautiful love bubble was about to get bigger before popping like a silly balloon. There was a proposal (gush gush wow congrats blah blah), there were celebrations, there was research and planning, there was this amazing ring and there was a lot of alcohol. A LOT. I mean this guy started drinking A LOT. And then there was a lot of late nights, and weird behavior, and distant eye contact, then no eye contact, and secretive phone business. Then I finally got the information and proof I needed that this No. 4 was just another number.
So, this is how I came to the conclusion that being lost was not when I lost him, but when I met him. But we all need to believe that “everything happens for a reason right” and through my utterly broken heart and loss of appetite and loss of everything that had come to be so familiar to me, that reason was Dubai.
Now – don’t think that is the end of the story as that is just the beginning…as this utterly broken heart of mine did not just take a couple months to heal. Hell no. This broken heart healed slowly and gradually, and has probably still got a bit to do (nineteen months down the line). But it became stronger and wiser and more independent. And I changed. And I partied. And I tinder-ed. Yip. This was my healing process… and eight or so solid months of change and partying can do your self-esteem a world of wonder! I loved it! And I do not regret a single drop of booze that I consumed nor the flippant amount of tindering I swiped. It was fun. I am an adult.
And then I met him.
Again, the story does not end here. It just becomes, or could become, more romantic – but like the majority of readers out there, no one likes to hear about too much gushy love stuff… but I can tell you that Number 5 is a keeper.
But back to the Lost thing… No. 5 is a Man. And No. 5 makes me stronger and more secure and happier than I have ever been and now I know number 5 is the best number in the world (apart from 69)…Ha… Ok. So then why am I in Saudi Arabia? And why is he in Dubai?
Well because my “Lostness” tricked me into still thinking that this No. 5 is going to do a No. 4 and all I know is that I have to protect Numero Uno – ME. And a Man should not be the end of everything right. He should be an extension of who you are, but not everything. So that is why I am in Saudi Arabia. Working for a global giant of a Company. Proving I can get the job that I want and proving that I don’t need him as much as I want him. Proving to myself that I don’t give up when I start something. And proving that if I or we can get through this, then the rest is plain sailing.
So it is here, two months into my life in Saudi Arabia that I have realized that I have had to do this, so as to actually come back full circle and know that No. 5 and Dubai is where my heart is. Therefore becoming Found.
But! In the meantime, and while I have this opportunity of living and working in Saudi Arabia, join me while I travel, and learn, and share some insights and some rubbish.
“If you wish to be a Warrior prepare to get broken, if you wish to be an Explorer prepare to get lost and if you wish to be a Lover then prepare to be both.” Daniel Saint